So I'm finally writing today... it took me a long time to be able to think of anything worth writing ABOUT.
So... I have an article I'm still thinking about... it's going to be a scorcher cause I'm angry. LOL. But before I get on other people... I think I'll get on myself.
I have been reading this awesome allegory... it's called Hind's Feet on High Places. It talked about the seed of Love that the Shepherd plants in our hearts. The seed of Love is shaped like a long, sharp thorn. When the Shepherd shows the seed to the main character, Much-Afraid, she cowers in fear and asks if it will hurt. He says that it will, but it's worth the hurting. She then asks him then if she will be loved in return. At first the Shepherd says there is no guarantee of that. Then He tells her that yes.. she will definitely be loved. She just always must love.
This means a lot to me. Oh this is just one chapter in a very meaningful book... but that REALLY hit home right now. I may not always be loved by those I love here on this earth... but as long as I keep loving I will feel God's love inside of me. And that will be enough for me to keep giving to those around me.
Love hurts... it hurts every single day. Love hurts when it's good... when it just wants to BURST out of you. Love hurts when it's bad... when you feel like you've been sucked dry and are collapsing inside yourself.
I'm so tired of taking out my hurts and such on the people I love the most. That's not showing God's love to anybody. And I'm certainly not feeling God's love when I do it. And yet... the only way I can describe it is I'm so tired of being coaxed out of my cocoon... and then having my wings ripped off. I mean come on... I may only be a moth but that's not fair! I tried making myself wings out of steel but those just hurt the people around me... and when i would try to fly I wouldn't be able to lift myself... and the sharp edges would slice me up as well. Every time I just built myself a bigger and better cocoon. But now... I'm seeing that if I actually want to be the butterfly... I have to remain vulnerable. I have to lay here when I feel defenseless in my broken state. Then the Healer will have me emerge from my cocoon to fly on wings He chooses for me... wings that I will feel aren't strong enough or practical enough. But He will sustain me... He will keep them on me... and I will fly... for Him.
Well... it seems I have more to say but my brain has shut down... SO I'll write it later.