Opportunity

The girl sits
Alone

In the brightly
lit room

Her knees pulled
up
to her chest

The lights
begin
to dim

Please God, not
again

Then
Darkness swallows
The corner of the
room

No NO!
God, You
Promised!

The dark
sneaks in
up to her toes


Please, no.
Hold me together.

It slowly
creeps
up her feet
to her ankles

Then her
ankles
to her
knees

Lapping
her
up
in unstoppable
waves of
black

I thought I
was stronger
than this

Steadily, silently
the light slips out
of her room
Leaving her
with her
worst fear

The Black
Alone
With me

Why does no
one stand beside
me?

With a lock
tight on the
door

Locked from the
inside

Then

Suddenly

A shaft of light

Not piercing

But merely glowing
lighting
just enough
to raise her eyes

She moves to the window
and sees the Moon
Softly shimmering down

In that glimpse of Hope...


She
Opens
The
Door

Passage

I cling to memories-
little scraps
of shredded paper

Reminding me
of what was

I fear losing them

almost
as much

as I fear
the Future

For doesn't the Future
want to snatch
my memories
from me
and replace them
with new ones?

I like these
here
well enough

Thank you very
much

But the Future will
come
incessantly pressing itself

Time is no gentleman

He is forever marching on

at a tremendously
fast pace

And I must just continue with
it

or Perish

and be forever lost

God,
grant me a memory
to hold
the pictures YOU want me
to hold

Help me to be ready
for whatever the
Future holds

And to trust You and not
be scared

To Change.

Time

A flower
who gains its petals early
May not have them
when it's late

Sometimes the earliest
to lift their heads
undergo the hardest trials

Just because
we see the bloom
Does not mean
It will not see
hard weather

The goal is
The prayer
That no matter what
is seen

Rain, hail, clouds, or sunshine
We cling to the beauty
That is gently placed on us
By the Grace of God

Searching...

The waves lap the shore
looking, constantly looking
for something
undefinable
unknown

But they never give up
their search
Unfatigable
Sometimes pulling
in closer

Just in case it wasn't
where they thought it was

perhaps higher

Only to pull back
to look in the first place

It was here the last time I looked

Sometimes they pause
Thinking they spot it in
the sand

Only to move on

Surely it was here

Every sea searches
at least two shores

What is it they look
for?
Can I help them at
all?

Behind the times...

I haven't been on forever and i know i need to be more regular. I had even forgotten my own password!

Today's thoughts aren't really orderly... they just kind of come and go like waves on the shore. So I'm going to write like that for a minute... then I'll put up some poetry. =)


What exactly is love? I thought I knew. I had this textbook picture in my mind of what love was. But when it comes right down to it... love wasn't like that at all! I'm struggling on what love actually is. How do you show it? What does it look like when someone loves you back?

I'm thinking about summer camp too... I'm wondering if I should go. I want to but is it right?

I feel like I have no direction in my life. How do you even find direction? When you're going in a direction, how do you know if it's the right direction?

So many questions... some day I'll have to post if I find the answers...


Thank you God for today. Thank you for the opportunity to think... to look for You in every thing. I love You God, even if I don't feel like I know what Love is. I want to give You my all. Help me know the direction to go. Help me bless others even in my searchings...

Reflections

So I'm finally writing today... it took me a long time to be able to think of anything worth writing ABOUT.

So... I have an article I'm still thinking about... it's going to be a scorcher cause I'm angry. LOL. But before I get on other people... I think I'll get on myself.

I have been reading this awesome allegory... it's called Hind's Feet on High Places. It talked about the seed of Love that the Shepherd plants in our hearts. The seed of Love is shaped like a long, sharp thorn. When the Shepherd shows the seed to the main character, Much-Afraid, she cowers in fear and asks if it will hurt. He says that it will, but it's worth the hurting. She then asks him then if she will be loved in return. At first the Shepherd says there is no guarantee of that. Then He tells her that yes.. she will definitely be loved. She just always must love.

This means a lot to me. Oh this is just one chapter in a very meaningful book... but that REALLY hit home right now. I may not always be loved by those I love here on this earth... but as long as I keep loving I will feel God's love inside of me. And that will be enough for me to keep giving to those around me.

Love hurts... it hurts every single day. Love hurts when it's good... when it just wants to BURST out of you. Love hurts when it's bad... when you feel like you've been sucked dry and are collapsing inside yourself.

I'm so tired of taking out my hurts and such on the people I love the most. That's not showing God's love to anybody. And I'm certainly not feeling God's love when I do it. And yet... the only way I can describe it is I'm so tired of being coaxed out of my cocoon... and then having my wings ripped off. I mean come on... I may only be a moth but that's not fair! I tried making myself wings out of steel but those just hurt the people around me... and when i would try to fly I wouldn't be able to lift myself... and the sharp edges would slice me up as well. Every time I just built myself a bigger and better cocoon. But now... I'm seeing that if I actually want to be the butterfly... I have to remain vulnerable. I have to lay here when I feel defenseless in my broken state. Then the Healer will have me emerge from my cocoon to fly on wings He chooses for me... wings that I will feel aren't strong enough or practical enough. But He will sustain me... He will keep them on me... and I will fly... for Him.

Well... it seems I have more to say but my brain has shut down... SO I'll write it later.

Angels and Prinicpalities

So I was being subjected to another episode of Touched by an Angel, a show which I hate by the way. You want to know why I hate it? Because these beings... these angels supposedly... walk into these dysfunctional peoples lives and with a few sleight of miracle tricks they make everything perfectly right again. For a moment I thought "if only it worked like that." And in a way I still kind of think that way. I mean... if every person who was going through a tough time or was making bad decisions just needed an angel to walk in and snap their fingers to help them change their minds and make life better in two days or less then wouldn't this world be an AMAZING place to live? Oh sure there'd be trouble every once and a while but we wouldn't have to worry about it for long. We'd have an earthly paradise.

So since that's not the way it really is... I started thinking about what angels actually are. Are you ready for this? Cause these are some wild thoughts.

Ok so I was thinking that if an angel is someone who makes life better for someone else... wouldn't I be an angel? When I'm bent over helping pt Mrs. Tebbets shoes on... or helping her go to the bathroom... or changing her pants... or feeding her lunch. When I'm abasing myself and forgetting myself to make her comfortable and happy.

And then again... what if I'm merely helping an angel? What if by forcing me to abase myself and forget myself... she's actually the angel teaching me the lesson. Preparing me for life. Introducing me to the real world, the world of living in God's favor. Helping me to learn to truly love. Teaching me about patience and constant prayer. So that I can be a better woman.

Now don't get me wrong. I know there is a special being created by God that is not human and is called an angel. But I also know that sometimes angels masquerade as humans. " Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2 And I'm also playing on the fact that the word for angel in the Greek is evangelion- meaning messenger.

But I also know that the best lessons in life can be learned from the person you least expect to learn anything from. I know I have learned SO much about life here at Mrs. Tebbet's house. I have seen that by doing these menial tasks for her... even tasks that make me gag... ESPECIALLY tasks that make me gag... I am loving her. I am showing God's love to her by being willing to do it. And in that way, I am bringing the message of God's love to her every day. Whether she remembers it or not.

She brings me the message of God's love by showing me how God will stick with me through horrible things day by day by day like He has with her. Also by illustrating to me exactly what God does for us. He sees us in our helpless estate and He reaches down and takes care of us every day through thick and thin, good and bad, to make our lives a better place. Sometimes He makes us do things we don't like, like when I make Mrs. Tebbets eat. Sometimes He takes us through painful things, like when I make her do her therapy. But in the end, it's all for the better, and we come out stronger and more alive then we were before.

In that way... haven't we all been Touched by an Angel?