Reconcilliation

Your words have
Now torn me to shreds
What were all those things
You said?

Precious, beautiful,
Child of the King –
Now you’re telling me
I am nothing

Now I’m left –
Just as before
Watching friends
Walk out the door

What is it –
What have I done
That made you here
Attack and run

And here I stand
What do I say
After you’ve
Acted this way?

I want to do
What’s good for me
To cut you off
To let you be

To walk away
Leave you alone
But then I try
To approach the Throne

And through a friend
God there shows me
That that’s not how
It’s supposed to be

And you’re my friend
Like it or not
And I must give
All that I’ve got

And when I’ve used
That treasure store
I must approach
Jesus for more.

Unfinished Hymn

I hold You in my heart
Your Hands around my Soul
I see Your face, my breathing starts
Your Smile and I am whole

No one else can capture me
Or hold me like You do
When You are near You're all I see
And all my thoughts are You

You write a Story in the Sky
Your Presence fills the Air
You say You love me through all Time
You promise to be there

The Waves they sign Your melody
The Winds dance to Your tune
Your heartbeat beats inside of me
Your Face glows in the Moon

Protection

SAFE

The walls
around me

Protect
me from
you

I am afraid
of you

I am not used
to being
afraid

I thought
I
trusted you

Perhaps I did

Perhaps not

I'm thinking

Perhaps
never is
better

And as
I close
my petals
around myself

(They are steel,
you'll never break
through)

You laugh

Shake your head

And say

"Those are
probably
sour grapes anyway"

So you are
content
to condescend

And I am
crushed
in a trap
of my own
making

But safe

Not hurt

Not again

Why
still then
does your
look pierce?

The marrow
melts
in my bones

My soul liquifies

Is it
good
or bad
fire?

I cannot tell.

I just
know

for one moment

My steel petals
are
glass

and you see

You Know.

And I...
Don't.

Catching up...

SO I have pretty much discovered I am as horrible at keeping up with blogging as with everything else on a computer... why can't you all just see what I write down on paper??? Anyway I'm gonna go through some of what I'm thinking.

First U have a fun little prosey piece I wrote during church one night when contemplating magnification:

" A telescope takes a planet that looks far away and uninvolved and shows us how it actually affects our daily lives. Without that planet where it is the entire solar system would spin out of whack and we would die. So it is with God. May we be the devices that show and amaze people with the closeness, hugeness, and involvement of our God. much more than a mere planet, He orchestrates our every breath and chooses to let us survive to attempt with our feeble human efforts to praise and describe a God our tiny minds, that cannot even encompass our solar system, will never be able to comprehend."

More thoughts... less glorious:

I have been presented with a very practical solution to life. It's easy... like a math equation. It makes logistical sense and has quite a but going for it. But also like that math equation it is impossible to see how far reaching the affects will be. i have been desiring within myself a seemingly very impractical life, I want to go places and do things and such with no clear path on how I would get there. I have been highly confused (add some lovely emotion... oh what fun it is to be a woman =P) and i have been praying for God to show me which path He wants me on. (As of this moment the practical solution wells up the desire for me to run screaming... not a good sign.) If you read this and want to pray for me... that would be greatly helpful!

Opportunity

The girl sits
Alone

In the brightly
lit room

Her knees pulled
up
to her chest

The lights
begin
to dim

Please God, not
again

Then
Darkness swallows
The corner of the
room

No NO!
God, You
Promised!

The dark
sneaks in
up to her toes


Please, no.
Hold me together.

It slowly
creeps
up her feet
to her ankles

Then her
ankles
to her
knees

Lapping
her
up
in unstoppable
waves of
black

I thought I
was stronger
than this

Steadily, silently
the light slips out
of her room
Leaving her
with her
worst fear

The Black
Alone
With me

Why does no
one stand beside
me?

With a lock
tight on the
door

Locked from the
inside

Then

Suddenly

A shaft of light

Not piercing

But merely glowing
lighting
just enough
to raise her eyes

She moves to the window
and sees the Moon
Softly shimmering down

In that glimpse of Hope...


She
Opens
The
Door

Passage

I cling to memories-
little scraps
of shredded paper

Reminding me
of what was

I fear losing them

almost
as much

as I fear
the Future

For doesn't the Future
want to snatch
my memories
from me
and replace them
with new ones?

I like these
here
well enough

Thank you very
much

But the Future will
come
incessantly pressing itself

Time is no gentleman

He is forever marching on

at a tremendously
fast pace

And I must just continue with
it

or Perish

and be forever lost

God,
grant me a memory
to hold
the pictures YOU want me
to hold

Help me to be ready
for whatever the
Future holds

And to trust You and not
be scared

To Change.

Time

A flower
who gains its petals early
May not have them
when it's late

Sometimes the earliest
to lift their heads
undergo the hardest trials

Just because
we see the bloom
Does not mean
It will not see
hard weather

The goal is
The prayer
That no matter what
is seen

Rain, hail, clouds, or sunshine
We cling to the beauty
That is gently placed on us
By the Grace of God

Searching...

The waves lap the shore
looking, constantly looking
for something
undefinable
unknown

But they never give up
their search
Unfatigable
Sometimes pulling
in closer

Just in case it wasn't
where they thought it was

perhaps higher

Only to pull back
to look in the first place

It was here the last time I looked

Sometimes they pause
Thinking they spot it in
the sand

Only to move on

Surely it was here

Every sea searches
at least two shores

What is it they look
for?
Can I help them at
all?

Behind the times...

I haven't been on forever and i know i need to be more regular. I had even forgotten my own password!

Today's thoughts aren't really orderly... they just kind of come and go like waves on the shore. So I'm going to write like that for a minute... then I'll put up some poetry. =)


What exactly is love? I thought I knew. I had this textbook picture in my mind of what love was. But when it comes right down to it... love wasn't like that at all! I'm struggling on what love actually is. How do you show it? What does it look like when someone loves you back?

I'm thinking about summer camp too... I'm wondering if I should go. I want to but is it right?

I feel like I have no direction in my life. How do you even find direction? When you're going in a direction, how do you know if it's the right direction?

So many questions... some day I'll have to post if I find the answers...


Thank you God for today. Thank you for the opportunity to think... to look for You in every thing. I love You God, even if I don't feel like I know what Love is. I want to give You my all. Help me know the direction to go. Help me bless others even in my searchings...